You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
