That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
