saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
