worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
