I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
