Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I want a musical about memes.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
