hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
