She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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