Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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