Moan for me like Helen Keller
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
