he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
