The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
