i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
