Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
