the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My pussy is not your playground.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
