why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
OPIZZABONMYDICK
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
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