Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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