Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
