im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
