make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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