and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
