It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
