I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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