I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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