I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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