this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
