gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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