I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So apparently I’m into choking now
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