from now on my penis is your penis
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
