enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
