she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
