I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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