I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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