so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
