did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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