I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
