I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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