i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
