thus making me awesome and them whores
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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