You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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