Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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