did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want nice things and good sex
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
