he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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