If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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