Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
