the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
