ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
