Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
