The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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