Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
