Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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