So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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