I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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