a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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