We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
