the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
