I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
