Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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